Christmas is officially over, and we’re on the cusp of sliding into the new year. I imagine I am not alone in that excitement that precedes a new year. It’s that same feeling I get when I open up a blank notebook; a clean slate, a new beginning, a chance to have a do-over. New Year comes with millions (billions?) of resolutions, wishes, intents, and the few days leading up to the New Year are filled with the anticipation of opening that blank notebook. I love these days, always have.
This year, I am taking a big step. On Thursday, New Year’s day, I’ll be tendering my resignation to my job. It’s been a long time coming. I’m leaving a lot of things behind in 2014. I’m untying knots that bind me to unhappiness and leaping into a generally unknown pool of what’s to come. I’m not making a fully blind jump though, I do have a plan, but it’s a plan that’s open with possibility. I’ll be working for a dog-walking company; walking dogs and helping to manage the business. On the face of it, it seems like a crazy decision. I’ll be making a whole lot less money, I won’t have my health insurance paid for me, and I’ll have no guarantee salary. Strangely, I’m not freaked out about it. I’m excited, and I’m anxious to start my new adventure.
I feel a sense of relief in having made this decision. For so many years I’ve remained at a job that I haven’t been happy in, that I’ve been downright miserable in, and all because I was so scared of leaving. It was a crippling feeling. Added to that, was a feeling that I wasn’t worthy enough as a person to be able to be successful doing anything else. The defeatist self-talk was wearing me down and when I realized that I was believing all that my mind was telling me, I realized that it was time to end that, and the only way to end that, was to walk away, and take that chance.
As I type this, I’m listening to and watching a documentary about Buddha, and this quote was just said:
In order to gain everything you must first lose everything – Siddhartha
I hope I don’t “lose everything” but I am voluntarily giving a lot up in order to achieve a happier life. My biggest ‘resolution’ for the New Year is to stop acquiring ‘stuff’. Quitting my job, and having to continuing to make ends meet on a lot less, will force me to settle into that mindset. I know intellectually that letting go of ‘stuff’ is the key to reaching a higher satisfaction with life and living.
Discarding, removing, releasing
Fluid escape from the clutter