Monday Musings

Christmas is officially over, and we’re on the cusp of sliding into the new year.  I imagine I am not alone in that excitement that precedes a new year.  It’s that same feeling I get when I open up a blank notebook; a clean slate, a new beginning, a chance to have a do-over.  New Year comes with millions (billions?) of resolutions, wishes, intents, and the few days leading up to the New Year are filled with the anticipation of opening that blank notebook. I love these days, always have.

White Rose

This year, I am taking a big step.  On Thursday, New Year’s day, I’ll be tendering my resignation to my job. It’s been a long time coming. I’m leaving a lot of things behind in 2014. I’m untying knots that bind me to unhappiness and leaping into a generally unknown pool of what’s to come.  I’m not making a fully blind jump though, I do have a plan, but it’s a plan that’s open with possibility.  I’ll be working for a dog-walking company; walking dogs and helping to manage the business.  On the face of it, it seems like a crazy decision.  I’ll be making a whole lot less money, I won’t have my health insurance paid for me, and I’ll have no guarantee salary.  Strangely, I’m not freaked out about it.  I’m excited, and I’m anxious to start my new adventure.

I feel a sense of relief in having made this decision.  For so many years I’ve remained at a job that I haven’t been happy in, that I’ve been downright miserable in, and all because I was so scared of leaving.  It was a crippling feeling.  Added to that, was a feeling that I wasn’t worthy enough as a person to be able to be successful doing anything else.  The defeatist self-talk was wearing me down and when I realized that I was believing all that my mind was telling me, I realized that it was time to end that, and the only way to end that, was to walk away, and take that chance.

As I type this, I’m listening to and watching a documentary about Buddha, and this quote was just said:

In order to gain everything you must first lose everything – Siddhartha

I hope I don’t “lose everything” but I am voluntarily giving a lot up in order to achieve a happier life.  My biggest ‘resolution’ for the New Year is to stop acquiring ‘stuff’.  Quitting my job, and having to continuing to make ends meet on a lot less, will force me to settle into that mindset.  I know intellectually that letting go of ‘stuff’ is the key to reaching a higher satisfaction with life and living.

Letting go

Moving through

Discarding, removing, releasing

Growing, bending

Fluid escape from the clutter

Casting away

Letting go

Buddha

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