Ok, so I’m not 47 yet, but I will be in less than a month, and in less time that that, I will be doing something that is very scary at my age. I will be resigning from my job. I have had two jobs in the past 20 years. I’m not a job-hopper. When I like what I do, I do it for a long time. Unfortunately, this time around, I haven’t liked what I do in quite a while. This has been a long time coming.
I used to be brave (ie: stupid) and take leaps that would lead me to make huge life changes at the drop of a hat. One of the (dis?)advantages of ageing, is that you become more thoughtful of consequences of your actions. That can work in a positive way, or in a negative one. Thinking about the outcome of a decision can lead you to see all the potential pitfalls and problems that can arise and until the part of your brain kicks in that in turn causes you to find solutions for those pitfalls and problems, they can all seem rather overwhelming and scary.
For quite some time I remained at the phase where I was stuck at the “what will happen if” stage of wanting to make a change, grow some wings, take a leap. It all came to a head a few months ago, and I realized that being scared, angry and overall unhappy was just not something I was willing to be anymore.
So, I bucked-up and began looking for another job. This is when phase two of the ‘holy hell I’m getting older I’m never going to be able to do anything’ part kicked in. I realized, that I truly have no idea how to look for a job. I have no idea how to put together a resume. I have no idea how to market myself. The overarching realization is that I had no idea of what I wanted to do, or what I wanted to be.
All I knew for sure, is that I wanted to work with animals, with children, surrounded by art, or doing something that had some humanitarian meaning. Easy right? No. Not so much. With zero background in any of those aspects and lacking a college degree, I found myself crippled. I sent out a slew of letters with my resume to various companies and organizations around the city, and got nothing in return. That in itself is such a blow to ones ego. There is nothing that can so quickly deflate your self-esteem as searching for a job.
After sinking into the pit of despair for a few weeks, I shook myself off and turned things around a bit. How could I leave my job, satisfy household’s financial needs, and give me a professional destination? I could work for myself. I have skills. I have a brain. I have talents. I needed to see that, to believe that.
The long and short of it, is that I’m quitting my job. For now, I’m going to start out by working with friends helping to run a dog-walking walking business and hiring myself out as a contractor providing consulting services for small businesses. Simply written down here like this, it may seem foolhardy, but I have faith that I can make this work.
So. Fingers crossed. Letter will be delivered next week.