It’s been a while. A few months. So much has changed, so much has stayed the same.
I’ve been drifting for a while. My brain has anyway. I’ve felt disjointed, discombobulated, apart, floating, drifting. I slipped into great darkness for a while, and then resurfaced. All this over the past few months.
My last entry was on August 12th, with the copy of my letter to my mother. D had closed the door of his life to me. It was the middle of summer and I was gearing up to go to my daughter-in-laws baby shower in Ohio.
I drove to Ohio to my parent’s house. Spent the night there and then the three of us headed up towards Cleveland together. As we stopped for lunch, I saw I had an email on my phone. It was from my mother. A response to my letter. She was in Spain, and would be back in a few weeks, and wanted to talk to me. I agreed.
A few weeks later came, and we spoke on the phone for the first time in almost 7 years on a Sunday morning. It was a strange phone call. Strange to me as I had so many conflicting feelings going through my heart and my mind, and I’m sure it was strange to her too. Since then, we’ve made great strides in our relationship. We’re still very different people, but we’re walking on a similar path, together, side-by-side and working through the kinks as they come along. I’ll talk more about the intricacies of the relationship later.
D is still estranged from me.
J and I had a precarious few months where I thought things were going well, until they weren’t, and he went silent too. He broke his silence about 2 weeks ago (Christmas is right around the corner) and promptly went on a foul-mouth tirade. Slammed the door on me too, and severed all ties.
I’m quitting my job. I’ll be resigning in a few weeks. Still sorting out what I’ll be doing, but not working where I am now needs to happen if I’m going to push forward with creating a world for myself where I’m happy.
I became a grandmother in October. I have a beautiful little granddaughter, A. Lucky for me, her mother is a beautiful soul, and she’s kept me in the family circle, including me in A’s life. I’m so grateful for my daughter-in-law.
We adopted another dog. 🙂 That’s been a huge light in my life. Her name’s Nikkie, and she’s a pitbull.
I love her. P loves her. Gabby adores her, and Taz tolerates her.
It’s all good.