I’m convinced that my days are often squirreled away by a time-thief. He slinks around grabbing an hour here, or an hour there, a few minutes yesterday and perhaps even a few seconds the day before. His time theft results in my looking at the calendar and it being days, upon days from the last time I paused to reflect on what’s going on in my brain.
It took me two full days to recuperate from seeing Dr. Paul last Tuesday. I think I developed a pretty good idea of what victims of Dementors (yes, I am throwing a Harry Potter reference in here) felt like. My soul, my self, was sucked out of me. I felt like a shell. For two days I was a zombie, unable to muster any feeling at all. As the rest of the week went by the sense of emptiness and darkness began to retreat and in its wake I am left with ‘hope’. Opening the door didn’t kill me. It hurt, but it didn’t kill me. Opening the door also invited new thoughts in. Thoughts that weren’t so dark, thoughts that have me thinking that maybe, maybe, I will find the answers that I seek, or at the very least a balm to sooth the darkness.
As I type, I’m listening to music and a song’s just come on that struck me as being rather apropos. It’s called “A Little Bit of Everything” by Dawes
With his back against the San Francisco traffic,
On the bridges side that faces towards the jail,
Setting out to join a demographic,
He hoists his first leg up over the rail.
And a phone call is made,
Police cars show up quickly.
The sergeant slams his passenger door.
He says, “Hey son why don’t you talk through this with me,
Just tell me what you’re doing it for.”
“Oh, it’s a little bit of everything,
It’s the mountains,
It’s the fog,
It’s the news at six o’clock,
It’s the death of my first dog,
It’s the angels up above me,
It’s the song that they don’t sing,
It’s a little bit of everything.”
An older man stands in a buffet line,
He is smiling and holding out his plate,
And the further he looks back into his timeline,
That hard road always had led him to today,
And making up for when his bright future had left him,
Making up for the fact that his only son is gone,
And letting everything out once, His server asks him,
Have you figured out yet, what it is you want?
I want a little bit of everything,
The biscuits and the beans,
Whatever helps me to forget about
The things that brought me to my knees,
So pile on those mashed potatoes,
And an extra chicken wing,
I’m having a little bit of everything.
Somewhere a pretty girl is writing invitations,
To a wedding she has scheduled for the fall,
Her man says, “Baby, can I make an observation?
You don’t seem to be having any fun at all.”
She said, “You just worry about your groomsmen and your shirt-size,
And rest assured that this is making me feel good,
I think that love is so much easier than you realize,
If you can give yourself to someone,
Then you should.
Cause it’s a little bit of everything,
The way you choke, the way you ache,
It is waking up before you,
So I can watch you as you wake.
So in the day in late September,
It’s not some stupid little ring,
I’m giving a little bit of everything.
Oh, it’s a little bit of everything,
It’s the matador and the bull,
It’s the suggested daily dosage,
It is the red moon when it’s full.
All these psychics and these doctors,
They’re all right and they’re all wrong,
It’s like trying to make out every word,
When they should simply hum along,
It’s not some message written in the dark,
Or some truth that no one’s seen,
It’s a little bit of everything.
So, something I’ve instituted at home to shake things up is “No Tech Tuesdays & Thursdays”. On Tuesdays and Thursdays we don’t turn the TV on at home, nor do we log onto the internet. I was finding that we were spending so much time on activities that kept us away from interacting with each other. I also hated finding myself turning to the TV or computer for entertainment. No more. Especially now that the weather is beginning to show signs of turning and heading towards Spring. As we moved our clocks forward *groan* we also gain a lovely extra hour or two of daylight. Outdoors should be more appealing than indoors. For sure.
Tomorrow’s my next appointment with Dr. Paul. I think I’m better prepared emotionally this week.